Home is where the <3 is..

I've heard my mother say plenty of times that her heart lies on that "farm" near my Granny & Papa. Even though she & my stepfather are building a million dollar home in Louisiana, she says it will never really be her home...

Why can't I say that about my home in south Mississippi?? Why doesn't it bother me that I no longer live there? Why am I not home sick?

Yes, my heart is where my family, true friends, and memories are.. But, I don't know that I could truly say that my heart is in Mississippi. Every time I go "home" I am comfortable around my family and the few real friends I've kept in touch with since I left, but I always feel a little out of place. I always feel that I really don't know who some of those people I've known all my life are.

My heart is where my husband is. That is my life now. That is what matters most. Home is where we are going to build a life.
As the time is drawing to an end here in Texas, where will Patrick & I call home? I am excited to find out!

I guess I really did break away..

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Be True To Yourself :)

I am realizing very quickly just how many people around me aren't true to themselves.

Why live behind a mask? Why live by other people's rules?

I am not here to act a certain way just to make someone happy. You are supposed to learn these things when you go through high school, & grow up. You finally see what's important in life, other than trying to be in a "click" or impress your friends to be accepted. Once you are an adult, you should've learned from your mistakes and how to be yourself. Most importantly, learned exactly who you are.

You should be comfortable in who you are. Be true to yourself, and be true to others in the sense that you are honest w/ them and a real friend. Accept your friends for who they are, and choose your friends wisely. Surround yourself w/ people who will lift you up, not drag you down.

If you encounter a friend whom you feel you can't be yourself around, then maybe you shouldn't be friends w/ that person. Life is not about gossip, or who's doing what. Life is about growing, learning, sharing, & embracing. Life is too short to be cattish.

I'll admit, I've made stupid mistakes. I've tried to act a certain way to make people happy. I've dealt w/ this a lot in the past. But, I'm learning. I'm growing up. The only people I now worry about making happy are my husband and family (including those friends who are considered family). Those are the people who matter most. Those are the people who will be there when no one else is.

From the words of Ziggy Marley : "Do what you feel and don't you fool yourself; Call me selfish if you will, my life I alone can live; I don't care if it hurts, I'm tired of all these lies and games; I've reached a point in life, no longer can I be this way; I've got to be true to myself."

So if you see a change in me, take it w/ a grain of salt. It's for the better. Love me or leave me.

I've got the best friend of all: Jesus Christ! :)

Starting to Feel like "ME"

For a few months I just haven't felt like myself. I haven't been able to be "ME". I think I was allowing others influences to get the best of me.

After some soul searching and forgiveness, I've started to feel like "ME" again! (which by the way, feels soo good!)

The positives about feeling like myself again:
I smile & laugh more.
My relationship w/ my husband is blossoming.
I can speak my mind.
I am more emotionally stable.
I am starting to get fit & healthier.
I am able to open up to my friends and have them accept me for me, or don't.

I've always been a happy person. But, sometimes you lose the vision of things.
I'm so glad to be feeling like myself again.
Hopefully, people will begin to see the change in me. :)

ugh.. that's all i can say.

What are you supposed to do when things go sour btw you and other people? How do things in life get so messed up that you are no longer friends w/ some people who used to matter most? How do you let go of a friendship that you thought you'd have forever?
God gave me this motherly tone, a mouth to speak it, and a giving heart. But sometimes emotions rage over & once again the word vomit comes pouring out. Sometimes instead of giving loving advice, I preach and fuss. It sucks. But I learn from my flaws, and the people who are my true friends accept me. Always be true to yourself.

Someone sent this to me & maybe I just need to remind myself of it occaisonally.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people become friends and stay a while.. leaving beautiful footprints on our heart, and we are never quite the same because we have made a good friend.

*When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. Thye are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fullfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

*Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace of make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!

*LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, & put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant!

It's hard to accept the fact that some people will not be a lifetime friend. It's hard to let go. & it's okay to cry about the loss of a friendship. I pray that God will bless each type of friend that I encounter in my life. That I will be a shining light in their life, learn from them as well as they learn from me. & help me to move on, and find friends that will lift me up, & not bring me down.

An Intimate Marriage <3

Intimacy.. oh to be intimate! But what is intimacy? How is it defined in a marriage?

I am going to reference Jimmy Evans post on Marriage Today (below is the link), as I share my own intimate thoughts, beliefs, struggles, opinions, & questions.

http://www.marriagetoday.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=5113&security=1&news_iv_ctrl=1061

According to Jimmy Evans:
Intimacy is defined as an inner closeness and depth of relationship; complete mutual awareness and unhindered access of interpersonal issues, information and interests.

A simple definition of intimacy is "to be close and/or deep." An intimate marriage is a relationship of emotional and spiritual closeness that goes much deeper than the average friendship or family bond. This intimacy is expressed through physical affection, sexual contact, verbal exchange, and various other ways.

Married couples are intimate with one another when their communication with each other is enhanced daily by their willingness to share not only their thoughts and opinions, but also their feelings; is sexual as well as emotional (as defined by marriage.about.com).

Evans says there are 2 deceptions of intimacy:
1. Marriage will automatically be intimate.
2. Sex produces intimacy.

*4 Goals for an Intimate Marriage:
1. Sharing an attitude of openness and surrender- an intimate life is a shared life.
2. Partnership, A relationship of mutual support and encouragement- selfishness destroys oneness & intimacy.
3. Investment, An atmosphere of regular, positivie exchange- create a bond & meet each other's needs. 4. Trust, an environment of safety and security- build trust through consistency, careful speech, kindness, & humility.

I've seen marriages fall apart by not having Christ in them. Satan wants to use the advantages of the world against us. He wants to see our marriages fail!
Pray that God will give you strength, guidance, and love in your marriage. Learn to communicate w/ your spouse! That is the key!
My husband and I are learning some of these very things in our marriage. All to benefit us in the best way!

Check out the Marriage Today site.

a slow down & a break down..

The parable of Luke 6 was shared today @ church. Good vs. Evil. The main concept I got out of the story was that I needed to "stop trying to get sawdust out of my brother's eye first, and get the plank out of my own. Then, I will be able to get the plank from my brother's eye easier." In other words, I need to stop worrying about everyone else's problems and situations and focus on my own struggles. Sometimes it may take a slow down & a break down to see that.

I live in this little doctor bubble where there are pressures to become something great, and be the best doctor of chiropractic that you can be. For a 22 year old (who's always had high expectations of herself, and had always been more grown up for her age) sometimes that can be a struggle in itself. (along with) Trying to balance a part-time job, school, marriage, happiness, money, & responsibilities take a toll on stress levels.

I know that I am an impatient person, I like to see things go my way, and I always feel like I have to be in control or things will not get finished. I never realized how much pressure I put onto others just from my stresses. I don't like to admit to my flaws, and I don't like to be wrong. (Ok, there! I said it! I DON'T LIKE TO BE WRONG!) That's hard for me to say. I always heard that when you go into your home from a day's work or school, that you need to leave you worries on the doormat. That is something I definately have not been doing. Then, I get so caught up in this person's problems or that person's anxiety, & I never have time to think about my own. They just kept building and building, & never got discussed. Finally, it came. The break down.

My mouth opened & the word vomit came flowing (as did the tears). The things I don't know how to express, or even if they are being conveyed correctly were coming out of me, and all I could do was cry. It was today that I took the plank from my own eye. It was today that he connected emotions and intimacy. Hopefully, it was today that started a new chapter, a new communication, a new love, and a new beginning.

Sometimes we just need to slow down & have a break down to see the things that matter most. (or maybe to even realized that we have problems that haven't been addressed). Now I'm leaving it to God and faith to handle the rest.

I should never ask why?! Just have FAITH..

I know I should never question God's plan for someone's life, not even mine. Although that person is hurting, God has a purpose for those choices. Sometimes we can't see why God closed one door, but He always opens another to different opportunities or to teach us a lesson.

We shouldn't ask why God is allowing things to happen, we should just have FAITH that something better will happen. Faith can carry you a long way. Faith can see you through life's hardest hour. Sometimes FAITH has to be tested to make sure it can be trusted.
When I don't know the answers to things I read this:

HEBREWS 11:1-6
*Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
*For by it the people of old received their commendation.
*By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.
*By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain, through which he was commended as righteous, God commending him by accepting his gifts. And through his faith, though he died, he still speaks.
*By faith Enoch was taken up so that he should not see death, and he was not found, because God had taken him. Now before he was taken he was commended as having pleased God.
*And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

http://www.bereanbiblechurch.org/transcripts/hebrews/11_1-6.htm

James 2:18-19
"But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that

Ephesians 2:8-10
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works so that one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

The only thing I can do in life is to continue to have Faith that things will work out. To put my Faith in God that He will carry me/my loved ones through hard times.

I leave you with this:
listen to Casting Crowns, "I Will Praise You in This Storm"

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry to Youand raised me up again my strength is almost gone how can I carry on if I can't find You and as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you"and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

Chorus
I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth