kisses & cake.

it's amazing to me how one smell can trigger so many memories. one song can take us back to one moment in time where life could never be the same. one memory can bring back so much joy, excitement, happiness, pain, etc. the times in our lives that made an impact on who we are. why we live. & what we live for.

sometimes emotions that i forgot i had can be found in a movie, song, picture, or smell that ironically brings me back to a point in my life where love overcame all other worries.

you're the one i love. the one that lights up my life. your warm whispers drown every breath of me. i like to be reminded that i feel this way.

we get so caught up in the routine, in the business of life. but routines shouldn't stop us from enjoying the little things that make our lives worth the while.

tonight, i'm going to take in the kisses like it's the last i'll ever get. appreciate your love. surround my being with you.

How do you do it??

How do you tell your parents, friends, siblings, granparents, etc. that you made a decision to do something & for them to accept that?? How do you overcome judgement from people today?

You don't. You sugar coat the choices you make to have them seem better, to allow people to accept those decisions. Even though it could potentially hurt someone's feelings, or yet seem like a lie. In the end it was all just to make things easier on everyone. Somehow, it ends up making things harder and worse for everyone.

Why do it? Why put yourself through something like this just because you worry about what people are going to think or say. Better yet, how they are going to accept what you've done? Or maybe unacceptance and closed arms instead of open arms from your family.

I don't truly understand why I do or say somethings the way I do. Maybe it's that I don't want people to look at me differently. I think my business is my own. Maybe it's that I don't want my mother to write me off forever & never help me because I made a decision that she didn't think was the right one.

I guess I will never know. I guess I can just work on the things that hurt others, and that can make me a better person.

It's not that I don't want to be responsible. It's just that I'm scared & don't have the courage and honor like you do. Oh, if I could only be more like you in that area. Things just might be easier.

Home is where the <3 is..

I've heard my mother say plenty of times that her heart lies on that "farm" near my Granny & Papa. Even though she & my stepfather are building a million dollar home in Louisiana, she says it will never really be her home...

Why can't I say that about my home in south Mississippi?? Why doesn't it bother me that I no longer live there? Why am I not home sick?

Yes, my heart is where my family, true friends, and memories are.. But, I don't know that I could truly say that my heart is in Mississippi. Every time I go "home" I am comfortable around my family and the few real friends I've kept in touch with since I left, but I always feel a little out of place. I always feel that I really don't know who some of those people I've known all my life are.

My heart is where my husband is. That is my life now. That is what matters most. Home is where we are going to build a life.
As the time is drawing to an end here in Texas, where will Patrick & I call home? I am excited to find out!

I guess I really did break away..

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Be True To Yourself :)

I am realizing very quickly just how many people around me aren't true to themselves.

Why live behind a mask? Why live by other people's rules?

I am not here to act a certain way just to make someone happy. You are supposed to learn these things when you go through high school, & grow up. You finally see what's important in life, other than trying to be in a "click" or impress your friends to be accepted. Once you are an adult, you should've learned from your mistakes and how to be yourself. Most importantly, learned exactly who you are.

You should be comfortable in who you are. Be true to yourself, and be true to others in the sense that you are honest w/ them and a real friend. Accept your friends for who they are, and choose your friends wisely. Surround yourself w/ people who will lift you up, not drag you down.

If you encounter a friend whom you feel you can't be yourself around, then maybe you shouldn't be friends w/ that person. Life is not about gossip, or who's doing what. Life is about growing, learning, sharing, & embracing. Life is too short to be cattish.

I'll admit, I've made stupid mistakes. I've tried to act a certain way to make people happy. I've dealt w/ this a lot in the past. But, I'm learning. I'm growing up. The only people I now worry about making happy are my husband and family (including those friends who are considered family). Those are the people who matter most. Those are the people who will be there when no one else is.

From the words of Ziggy Marley : "Do what you feel and don't you fool yourself; Call me selfish if you will, my life I alone can live; I don't care if it hurts, I'm tired of all these lies and games; I've reached a point in life, no longer can I be this way; I've got to be true to myself."

So if you see a change in me, take it w/ a grain of salt. It's for the better. Love me or leave me.

I've got the best friend of all: Jesus Christ! :)

Starting to Feel like "ME"

For a few months I just haven't felt like myself. I haven't been able to be "ME". I think I was allowing others influences to get the best of me.

After some soul searching and forgiveness, I've started to feel like "ME" again! (which by the way, feels soo good!)

The positives about feeling like myself again:
I smile & laugh more.
My relationship w/ my husband is blossoming.
I can speak my mind.
I am more emotionally stable.
I am starting to get fit & healthier.
I am able to open up to my friends and have them accept me for me, or don't.

I've always been a happy person. But, sometimes you lose the vision of things.
I'm so glad to be feeling like myself again.
Hopefully, people will begin to see the change in me. :)

ugh.. that's all i can say.

What are you supposed to do when things go sour btw you and other people? How do things in life get so messed up that you are no longer friends w/ some people who used to matter most? How do you let go of a friendship that you thought you'd have forever?
God gave me this motherly tone, a mouth to speak it, and a giving heart. But sometimes emotions rage over & once again the word vomit comes pouring out. Sometimes instead of giving loving advice, I preach and fuss. It sucks. But I learn from my flaws, and the people who are my true friends accept me. Always be true to yourself.

Someone sent this to me & maybe I just need to remind myself of it occaisonally.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people become friends and stay a while.. leaving beautiful footprints on our heart, and we are never quite the same because we have made a good friend.

*When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. Thye are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fullfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

*Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace of make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!

*LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, & put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant!

It's hard to accept the fact that some people will not be a lifetime friend. It's hard to let go. & it's okay to cry about the loss of a friendship. I pray that God will bless each type of friend that I encounter in my life. That I will be a shining light in their life, learn from them as well as they learn from me. & help me to move on, and find friends that will lift me up, & not bring me down.

An Intimate Marriage <3

Intimacy.. oh to be intimate! But what is intimacy? How is it defined in a marriage?

I am going to reference Jimmy Evans post on Marriage Today (below is the link), as I share my own intimate thoughts, beliefs, struggles, opinions, & questions.

http://www.marriagetoday.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=5113&security=1&news_iv_ctrl=1061

According to Jimmy Evans:
Intimacy is defined as an inner closeness and depth of relationship; complete mutual awareness and unhindered access of interpersonal issues, information and interests.

A simple definition of intimacy is "to be close and/or deep." An intimate marriage is a relationship of emotional and spiritual closeness that goes much deeper than the average friendship or family bond. This intimacy is expressed through physical affection, sexual contact, verbal exchange, and various other ways.

Married couples are intimate with one another when their communication with each other is enhanced daily by their willingness to share not only their thoughts and opinions, but also their feelings; is sexual as well as emotional (as defined by marriage.about.com).

Evans says there are 2 deceptions of intimacy:
1. Marriage will automatically be intimate.
2. Sex produces intimacy.

*4 Goals for an Intimate Marriage:
1. Sharing an attitude of openness and surrender- an intimate life is a shared life.
2. Partnership, A relationship of mutual support and encouragement- selfishness destroys oneness & intimacy.
3. Investment, An atmosphere of regular, positivie exchange- create a bond & meet each other's needs. 4. Trust, an environment of safety and security- build trust through consistency, careful speech, kindness, & humility.

I've seen marriages fall apart by not having Christ in them. Satan wants to use the advantages of the world against us. He wants to see our marriages fail!
Pray that God will give you strength, guidance, and love in your marriage. Learn to communicate w/ your spouse! That is the key!
My husband and I are learning some of these very things in our marriage. All to benefit us in the best way!

Check out the Marriage Today site.